When every day at work is dominated by an overwhelming feeling of hate towards your boss, it is natural for performance to slip and for thoughts to turn towards pastures new. You hope they might leave first, but that is far from guaranteed.
“I hate my boss” is something that will have crossed the minds of most people at some point, but when that thought starts to cloud your judgement, affect your relationships and impact your mental health, it is time to take action.
Are your feelings of animosity towards your boss justified? Is your wellbeing and mental health taking a knock? We explore some considerations:
- Why do we hate our bosses?
- The negative impact of hating your boss
- What to do when you hate your boss.
- Six boss behaviors we hate the most.
We spend a vast amount of time at work. Disliking our boss is a hard feeling to shake, but when dislike turns to hate, there is only one true course of action.
Should I quit my job because I hate my boss?
It is possible that hating your boss might be one of the reasons that you quit your job, but it would be a shame if it was the only reason. Relationships can often be improved, and you owe it to yourself to consider the bigger picture before you make the ultimate self-sacrifice.
Why do we hate our bosses?
Feelings of hate towards a boss do not appear overnight and they often stem from a complex mix of personal and professional reasons.
As every working relationship is unique, it is essential to examine the reasons that lie behind these negative thoughts. There may well be a solution for certain issues, but there will likely be others that are beyond redemption.
Just how much is this negative relationship impacting your wellbeing and career prospects? And how much of it stems from your own insecurities?
Take time for some honest reflection and consider the issue from every angle.
The negative impact of hating your boss
The stress and frustration of a poor relationship with your boss can have far-reaching impacts on your mental health and even the wellbeing of others in your personal life.
In their workplace burnout survey, Deloitte found that 91% of us feel that the quality of our work suffers when we feel stressed. When our output suffers, worries then arise about the stability of our job. If we have an unsupportive boss, that is a lonely place. We don’t sleep well at night, our mental health takes a dive, and the spectre of depression can loom large for many.
Hating your boss can have a lasting negative impact if you feel that you are powerless to act. However, it is rare that this is the case.
Firstly, you need to understand what is behind behaviours that you hate and then you should come up with a plan to move towards a better place.
What do you do when you hate your boss?
- Think before you do something that you may regret.
- Avoid joining in the water cooler echo chamber of criticism.
- Get to the bottom of why you and others feel so strongly.
- Understand if there is anything that you can do to change things.
- Maintain your job performance and focus within the workplace.
- Make one last attempt at empathy and possible reconciliation
- Prepare for a job search from a rational and unemotional point of view.
Six boss behaviors we hate the most
When we feel that we hate our boss, it is not uncommon to question whether we are being entirely rational. Here are six of the most common behaviours that might cause employees to hate their boss (with good reason).
The extent of these behaviors might be so horrific that you decide that you have no option except to leave, but if you think that the relationship is still worth salvaging, I have suggested a few ways to improve matters somewhat.
Micromanaging your every move
Everyone hates the feeling of someone looking over their shoulder, but when your boss seeks to get involved with every nuance of your work, the oppressive nature of micro-management can make work a living hell of Orwellian proportions.
How to handle: Over-communication at carefully selected times can help to mitigate the distracting impact of a micro-manager. By proactively sharing, you can also gradually increase their level of confidence in your work.
Not showing empathy for your perspective
“It is my way or the highway” – some bosses live in a world, where only their opinions matter. When a boss refuses to put themselves in the place of their employees, the lack of empathy can block them from offering useful assistance or emotional support.
How to handle: If a boss isn’t listening to you, it is likely that they do not care about you on a personal level. Use every opportunity to get to know them better, show empathy for their issues and it is possible that they may start to reciprocate.
Blaming everyone but themselves
When things are going wrong for a bad boss, blaming their subordinates is a natural knee-jerk reaction. Everyone makes mistakes, but when you have a bad boss, reprimands will be handed out far more often than they are justified.
How to handle: Try to uncover the wider issues behind the underperformance wherever possible and use public forums such as team meetings to share your thoughts. Exploring the root causes can serve to influence their attitude.
What makes a toxic boss?
Some bosses are great people but poor managers while others are downright toxic. A supervisor who is manipulative, overly-demanding, or who puts you down and talks poorly about you to other employees can generally be called a toxic boss.
If you find yourself in this situation, you may want to schedule a meeting with HR. If there are no allies in the office, sadly it may be time to find a new position. No one should have to put up with a boss who doesn’t value them.
Leading from a place of negativity and fear
Managing with an attitude of relentless “must do better” negativity leads to an atmosphere of fear where risks will be avoided, and peak performance therefore made impossible. Negativity is contagious and it clouds the soundest judgement.
How to handle: The only way to counter negativity is with positivity. Take every opportunity to offer a positive slant on events and encourage your teammates to do the same. The biggest failures create the most significant learning opportunities.
Taking credit for the achievements of others.
Bosses who do not get involved with their team’s work, yet still take the credit for the results, are amongst the worst kind. Having your work recognised is an essential element of motivation, so when this recognition is stolen, it is a bitter pill to swallow.
How to handle: It is unacceptable when your boss does not want to get involved when times get tough, and constantly taking the credit for the work of others is a matter for HR. If your boss is taking advantage, consider making a formal complaint.
Playing favorites within the team.
For whatever reason, certain bosses may favor some employees over others. They get the pick of the best projects, their opinions are sought most often in team meetings, and they are singled out for praise wherever possible.
How to handle: It is natural that bosses gravitate towards certain personalities, but if you keep your head down and deliver on your work, this favouritism should not impact your career. You will get their attention if you continue to do a great job.
“I love my job but hate my boss”
Finding a job that fulfills you only to have it practically ruined by a toxic boss can be one of the most disheartening experiences of your professional career. If you’ve had no success working around their behavior, distancing yourself or even bringing the issue to HR, sometimes the only choice is to move on. When looking for a new job, make sure to leverage your current experience – who knows! You might even find a job that you like better.
Key takeaways
- Hate is one of the most emotionally-charged words in the English language, but if your relationship with your boss has truly declined to this point, it will often be a case of managing the process of decline rather than hoping for a brighter future.
- You may not have a choice but to endure the poor relationship in the short term, but longer term you need to believe that your ideal boss is out there.
- For a boss who micromanages, try giving regular updates to assure them of your work.
- You may need to step in and schedule a meeting with HR, especially if the boss has some of the toxic traits listed above.
